I have been having an ongoing debate on faith with a person who seems to,
for the 17 years we've known each other, 
have always been searching, waiting and hoping it will just come down and strike him in the head.

It is not an easy thing to "obtain" faith..
it's not something that can be made or bought,
but I certainly believe it is something that can be found...

What is faith?

Merriam-Webster defines faith as:

1 a: allegiance to duty or a person: loyalty
b (1): fidelity to one's promises
(2): sincerity of intentions
2 a (1): belief and trust in and loyalty to God
(2): belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion
b (1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof
(2): complete trust
3: something that is believed especially with strong conviction

When talking about faith, isn't it true that it starts first and foremost from within?
If we have a firm faith in ourselves, we can trust our minds and emotions.
If we can trust our minds and emotions,

we can distinguish between what is inherently right for us and what is not.
In other words,
what is authentic to us.
And isn't authenticity something most intelligent beings desire?

Semantics aside, we have the power to understand,
we have the power to overcome whatever it is our earthly surroundings
or upbringings may have instilled in us that prevent us from achievement.

This reminds me of a quote from Nelson Mandela:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us...
...we are all meant to shine."

He's not talking about power over each other or the power
we seemed to have and continue to establish over nature and
the earth, he's talking about the power of faith.
Faith in ourselves,
to go beyond exteriors,
beyond what societal media preaches
and step up to enlightenment.

Faith is kind of like life insurance,
you can't hold it, you can't see it,
you can't exactly show it off to your friends,
but it gives you peace of mind,
confidence -
you can feel it backing you.

It is perhaps the only thing that defies the laws of thermodynamics,
You will inevitably get more out of having faith that what you put in
and if that isn't the most powerful thing in natural world, I don't know what is.

"Buildings and bridges
are made to bend in the wind
to withstand the world,
that's what it takes.
All that steel and stone
is no match for the air, my friend
what doesn't bend breaks
what doesn't bend breaks. . . "
~ Ani DiFranco (lyrics)


These words have been bouncing around in my mind of late,
Like those buildings and bridges, we humans have to have a certain
degree of flexiblilty in order to withstand the elements of the world.
There are times to stand firm in conviction and belief and there are times
to back down,
sometimes that is the best and most clear way to get a point across.

It's not about slamming an opinion or belief in someone's face,
it's about living a lifestyle and being an example.
Love
Integrity
Humility
Understanding
Compassion
= Flexibility

We all come from different perceptions of the world
and need to be flexible with ourselves and eachother,
to be patient and
know the difference -
when it's time to
cast away stones
or gather them.

The past is just that - it has passed.
That doesn't mean we should forget or never look back, it just means we waste valuable time when we stare back there so long that we are not moving forward.
The next moment, hour, day, week, year -  is full of possibility.

While talking to one of my favorite people the other night, I discovered I had said some things worth their weight in gold.
Pretentious?
Maybe.
You be the judge:

He was telling me that he feels he may have taken the wrong road in life, to which I responded:

You should not regret, for if you are aware, you will see you have learned so much, and with this knowledge will be able to go forward making choices that will lead you down the right road.
and
The roads we have taken in the past should be considered the right ones, they have brought us to where we are at present - the only place we can decide where to go next.

Pretty solid.
It's not always easy - ok, it's rarely ever easy to change courses.
One tool that is essential -
faith.

Well it has definately been a while.
So much has changed...
none of which I'm going to go into.

Since I recieved a surprising email from Mr Matt Mikalatos of Burning Hearts Revolution fame and he was kind enough to notify me of an interesting little mention of me -
yeah, me on the Fox News website and my name is linked to here, so I thought I'd better try and at least put something in this space, at least something dated more current, though it's all just rubbish.

As mentioned in an earlier post, I used to have a lot of poetry here, and due to things that manifested themselves in my whirling mind, I decided to delete every poem and just use this space for.. what again?

I haven't stopped writing, Oh no, on the contrary I am an even a bigger wordsmith than before. Someday you will see my name on some beautifully bound book on the bargain table at your local Borders. 
Watch out world - it's all just a matter of time.

So here is the link to the Fox News site. Dig It.. maybe Mr. McCain will call me up because he feels foolish for not having known who I am  ; )
and have me recite a fabulous poem while sitting on a float covered in balloons and crepe paper in a Saturday morning ticker tape parade! (like Matt predicted - but even better!)
Now wouldn't that be something!!

http://embeds.blogs.foxnews.com/2008/06/03/mccain-poetry-pop-quiz/


Oh and one more thing... I am really going to post here more often...starting now.. again- just rubbish, but still, it feels almost worth it thinking that random strangers may be linked here without even realizing what the heck they're getting themselves into.

Here's one for the road-

"Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness"

~ James Thurber

It's a tough racket..
My manuscript lays on the floor or in the trash, has been shredded, or burnt or is already in a landfill somwhere collecting banana goo on it.
s'alright..
Whatever my moira is.. it is..

I've had this song in my head for a while now, and because it is such a great one, I am compelled to post the lyrics.  If you have the means LISTEN to it, it's really fantastic with the music and the way Paul Simon sings.
Oh and by the way, I sent out my manuscript Friday, June 29... :)
................................................................................................................................
THE OBVIOUS CHILD
Im accustomed to a smooth ride
Or maybe Im a dog whos lost its bite
I dont expect to be treated like a fool no more
I dont expect to sleep through the night
Some people say a lies a lies a lie
But I say why
Why deny the obvious child?
Why deny the obvious child?

And in remembering a road sign
I am remembering a girl when I was young
And we said these songs are true
These days are ours
These tears are free
And hey
The cross is in the ballpark
The cross is in the ballpark

We had a lot of fun
We had a lot of money
We had a little son and we thought wed call him sonny
Sonny gets married and moves away
Sonny has a baby and bills to pay
Sonny gets sunnier
Day by day by day by day

Ive been waking up at sunrise
Ive been following the light across my room
I watch the night receive the room of my day
Some people say the sky is just the sky
But I say
Why deny the obvious child?
Why deny the obvious child?

Sonny sits by his window and thinks to himself
How its strange that some rooms are like cages
Sonnys yearbook from high school
Is down from the shelf
And he idly thumbs through the pages
Some have died
Some have fled from themselves
Or struggled from here to get there
Sonny wanders beyond his interior walls
Runs his hand through his thinning brown hair

Well Im accustomed to a smoother ride
Maybe Im a dog thats lost his bite
I dont expect to be treated like a fool no more
I dont expect to sleep the night
Some people say a lie is just a lie
But I say the cross is in the ballpark
Why deny the obvious child?

Those of you, though your numbers are few, who have dropped by now and again to read my poetry may be asking yourselves What the hell happened here?
Your answer: I have deleted all my poems.
OK, now the question is why, right?
Well it started off because I became paranoid about copyrighting.. The thought that anyone at anytime could very well take something I wrote whether it be a whole piece or just a line and claim it as their own finally took root in my head.
I say finally because I've thought about this before but was focusing too much on the "I wrote it, I have copies of it, technically it's mine, technically it's protected."
Yeah - not really. Only insofar that I have the ability to track what everyone else in the world is writing, which I do not.
The process was bittersweet. I had 85 poems posted here ( and 10 quotes- which remain), each post had to be deleted separately. So after I made a complete copy of the entire blog, I had to hit delete for each entry and then say OK to go ahead and erase it for good.
As I was doing this monotonous task, I thought about how damn egocentric poets can be, wrapped up in their own desire to express themselves. I thought about why we have to use such words when I think of it more as therapy.
I thought about how excited I once was to share my poems. I remember having such high hopes for feedback, praise and criticism (none of which came except 3X from someone I don't know)... I understand.. you can't post unless your a member.. besides what would you say?
I thought about it as being cleansing:  freeing myself from the pressure to post a new poem, the horror of seeing that it's already been read when it really needs revising, and seeing the old ones and thinking they are only old to me.
I thought about what I will do with this space, it is mine, and as a writer I feel the need to fill it.
It seems funny, but all in all I'm glad I deleted what I worked so hard to obtain: a body of work.
My hope is that something I wrote moved, touched, inspired or made at least one person think about something differently... egocentricity aside, that is why I write poetry.
I have written several pieces that I hadn't posted here on channelgreen because this summer I am putting together a manuscript to be titled An Unlikely Wind and am going to be sending it off to a publishing press and entering a few publishing contests. (wish me luck) I'll keep you posted...
At this point I feel like I should say thank you for having read my work, thank you for taking the time, thank you for being inspiration when you didn't even know you were, thank you in advance for buying my book when it comes out..:) Thank you.